The Real Vows

The Man and I are about to get married in a few weeks, so we are crazy people. One second we love life, the next we are freaking out. We freak out about the little things like the potential catastrophe within the reception venue or whether or not we picked the right colors. I have had to refrain from color-coding and spreadsheeting everyone’s lives to death. I’ve also found that I have a tendency to insist on DIY projects every step of the way through stress.

I chose to attempt knitting again, which is turning out to be a disaster. I’m claiming to be a master and will create the cake topper with my own hands. I also spent two hours painstakingly assembling favors the other night to the tune of every Bruno Mars song imaginable. Some may say this is a coping mechanism for a territorial, OCD person. Some may say I have been reduced to a quivering mess. I, however, call it genius.

I would be wrong not to include that there is a very real freak out, too. We’re making some big promises to one another. To love and to cherish from this day forth…. Richer or Poorer (I’m a Linguist, The Man is a Poet. You decide.)… in sickness and in health…

It will be a big moment.

And being the romantic I am I suggested we write our vows. The Man insisted we also recite the traditional vows, since he was worried about it “counting.” So we will really really be married after two sets of vows…

Now when I sat down to write my vows, I initially wrote some pretty thoughtful things. Then I sat down and wrote what I like to call “the real vows.” Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what marriage is really about…

I promise to you to always yield my Interlibrary Loan Privileges upon your request.

I vow to use your kindle daily until  you buy me my own.

I promise to love you for your proofreading skills  until the end of my PhD…or my life, whichever comes first.

I also love how you fix the blankets that I inevitably mess up within two seconds of entering the bed.

…I love you, and I will always love you as long as we both shall live and longer.

Showered in Brilliance?

Everyone has their place where their best thinking occurs. These are the places where great ideas happen. Where revelations occur. Where global movements begin!

There are quite noble places for these things to happen.

While driving.

While walking.

While discussing things with a close friend.

I have these moments in the shower. Yes – THIS is the place where I have all my bright moments. (warning: this causes a lot of questions as to whether or not one has washed hair already or not. I run out of shampoo rather quickly in streaks of brilliance.)

Anyway I had one of those moments today while washing my hair (for the first time).

My grand thought? Wedding Planning is really Modern Day Slave Trade.

Yes.

The Man and I have been engaged (horrible pun intended) in wedding plans for a little less than a month now, and themes are already coming up.

Common Utterances:

“That really costs that much???”

“But I don’t even like that person!”

“I thought this day was supposed to be about us…”

Little did we know that engagement meant entering into an experience that was not about us at all but everybody else. In fact! By even beginning to compile a guest list for the occasion we traveled through time… to a land of social cast — and slave trading.

EACH person sits in a venue, sits in a reception, insists on eating receptiony food, and even has the nerve to drink receptiony drinks. Yep. Each person has a price over their head.

Now that would be all be unfortunate, BUT the couple of the day are judged. All the time. Judged by their decisions. Judged by how the day looks. But most of all — judged by how many people they can afford to buy for the day.

So now all these wedding guests are like modern day slaves – no wages – just paying for them to take up space and eat all this expensive food all in the name of social cast and acceptance.

Yeah… I just went there.

Now here’s the deal. The Man and I vow today to usher in a GREAT EMANCIPATION!

We shall get the tiniest venue possible and invite only a few people! Less wedding slaves!

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🙂 Isn’t this the kind of thing you think about while in the shower?