Tag Archives: guitar

Cross-County Coconut

While in The Grocery Store a few months ago, I felt flippant about fruit and exclaimed (in jest) that we should purchase all of the too-difficult-for-its-own-good foods like a whole coconut. The Man got that gleam in his eyes, and the spirit of adventure took hold. Why not buy a coconut? Doesn’t everyone want a coconut? After all, any food that requires a hammer can only say something that is a sick mixture of cave man antics and Martha Stewart: “I am a man. I hit things. They taste good and may be used for many delicate desserts.”


So we bought a coconut.

The Man then proceeded to read all things internet-based on coconuts and became something of a coconut connoisseur — a cocosseur? We had raw coconut, baked coconut, and coconut trail mix within the first week. This would have been stupendous if I liked coconut in any way other than covered in chocolate and… well… not really coconut-like in any way. He also attempted macaroons, which is basically the only coconut-based product that I’ll get excited over. They immediately fell apart into what he has affectionately dubbed cocoslaw. Hey if it tastes like macaroons – who cares what it looks like!

The food products have become means to an end, however, since the dining room table has become the workshop for a massive coconut guitar pick business. The Man has even become a hipster about it, too! No power tools will touch the process, only antique hand tools and hours of labor. For the first coconut, it was a fun pastime. Four coconuts later, he has been sending an assortment of sizes cross-country to several guitarist friends to try out the new material, sizes, and textures. All these guys are thrilled to talk about coconut tone and how it would normally cost so much for a pick like this. Did you know this would be nice on nylon strings? I wonder if you make a big one if it would do nice things for a bass. Oh! What kind of oil are you using to finish them? Do you think I could also become a cocosseur? There is a national cocofrenzy!


Somehow a flippant fruit day has united guitar buddies around the world. The Dad even got a batch of picks for Fathers Day. The Dad could not have asked for a better gift! There was even a complimentary tutorial of each of the tools, how to file appropriately, and then a final concert of each pick and what their purpose might just be. I guess we know now that The Man doesn’t half-do any hobby. I wonder what food-based artisan effort will hit our apartment next!


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A Father’s Approval

WARNING: I’m going to break my own rule about never writing about topics that are at all risqué, but sometimes rules are meant to be broken!

After dating only a few months, The Man and I took a big step and decided to spend the holidays together with family. We drove the 12-harrowing hours out from New Jersey to Indiana to spend time with The Parents. Our thought was that, if by some miracle, we still liked each other after such a long drive, we’d be okay for the long haul. It was a major step in our young relationship. You don’t consider breaking up lightly once your grandmother has made your boyfriend beef n’ noodles. It’s just a fact.

beef n noodles 4ever

The Dad, known to passively aggressively threaten boyfriends past, had decided The Man was pretty awesome. He was pretty appalled actually. It was his job, after all, to threaten his life if he hurt me. And he LIKED him! Here he was – pretty much in love with The Man like me. (He’s pretty cool, ya know.) So The Dad decided to show his approval. He had the perfect idea for a Christmas gift to show guy-to-guy that he thought it’d be cool if The Man stuck around.

Both The Dad and The Man play guitar, and The Dad thought it was fitting to give a themed gift: Elixir Guitar Strings. He event wanted to clean up The Man’s 12-string for him. Being a man not-quite-comfortable with his apparent appreciation for his only daughter’s boyfriend, the giving of said gift was bound to be awkward. And boy – The Dad is one to impress.

The Dad walked in during a rousing game of Scrabble and began what I can only assume is his very manly version on Vanna White. Holding the purple Elixir box with joy, he began to describe their special coating, how long they last, and that he’d even help The Man put them on. He told The Man he had been thinking of giving them to him for a long time, and he knew it was the perfect gift.

long lasting and a special coat

The Mom and I were so happy to see the two bonding, but the reaction wasn’t quite what The Dad had in mind. In fact, The Man responded with awkward levels perhaps fitting to lima beans attempting to be lawyers… or at least a grad student at a real person party. He stuttered some form of “thank you” and began to look around the room frantically for what we could only guess would be a very deep hole to dive into or an exit to anywhere but where he was at that moment.

The Parents scooted out of the room as if there were a wounded animal in their presence saying something about catching a movie, and I turned to interrogate The Man about when he forgot about basic etiquette and/or forgot what a guitar was.

He looked at me as if I had somehow offended his great grandmother, face contorted in some speechless agony. That’s when he started to giggle hysterically. At this point I was positive this small act of fatherly kindness had sent him right over the edge. We had broken him. He was doomed to the loony bin – all because of guitar maintenance. That’s when his eyes bugged out and he held up the box.

condoms they were not

Sure enough – a purple box with some swirly lettering strangely resembled that of a box typically associated with family planning. After laughing for about an hour straight, I couldn’t wait to tell The Dad! What’s family for, but to provide hilarity for years to come? The Dad found out about the misunderstanding the next day and was immediately horrified that he had spoken so long about their special coating and even offered to put them ON for him! I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the kind of approval The Dad had in mind.

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