(FACT: This post was as hard to write as the laundry was to do, and I have yet to figure out why.)
Adulthood is filled with many things called “responsibility,” kids. These include stepping up to be the person who calls the pizza place, looking like you’re super brave in front of kids even though you’d rather weep next to them, and… the laundry. Beware – for it quickly morphs into a creature of undeniable horror – The LaundroMonster.
Laundro, as his familiars know him, sneaks right up on you. He starts out as a cute pile of clothing that was once the object of fashionista affection. You actually once wore these pieces of clothing before they became the bane of your existence. After a few days, though, this small pile – a baby Laundro – grows into a teenage… rebellious creature. At this point it is still possible to tame the beast by introducing what is known as a “hamper,” but many parents shy away from true parental responsibility at this point and completely lose control.
Behold… the full, adult, 4-load Laundro. Your worst enemy.
The Man and I met this evil being this past weekend, and it was a terrible sight. It had been too long. We had become lax in our laundry-taming, and we were in over our heads.
To put it into perspective, we had hit what I’d like to call “Stage 6” of laundry denial. Laundro had moved in, become a roommate, and we were starting to figure out how to live with him. We were almost beyond help.
STAGE 1: (TOTALLY NORMAL)
The moment when you realize you have worn all your “cool, awesome” clothes and you are about to be reduced to your final spurts of outfit innovations.
STAGE 2: (GETTING SERIOUS)
Hmmm I’m running out of socks.
Stage 3: (WHOA NELLY)
Innovation is not even working. Seriously. I only have a few pairs of underpants left.
Stage 4: (EVERYONE BECOMES A TEENAGE BOY)
Eyeing the pile of laundry and deciding what is “ACTUALLY” dirty.
Common Test: Does it stand up on its own?
Stage 5: (ARE YOU SERIOUS?)
Buying more clothes instead of doing laundry.
We eventually heard the words of our concerned family and friends, and I knew I had to do something.
I came home ready to tackle the beast, and I made it my prisoner in the mesh bags of doom. I then attempted to introduce the foreign concept of “motivation” so that The Man and I could no longer ignore the problem. I took all of our towels and the rest of our clothes, and I packed everything away in the car. We had no choice now but to face our cleaner, folded destiny!
And yet… responsibility was still incredibly hard to face, and we somehow found ways to ignore Laundro more than ever before. We manufactured ignorance and fabricated methods of avoidance comparable only to a college student facing a mountain of Linguistic Anthropology reading! (What? That’s just me??)
Finally…unable to remain pantsless hermits forever – we gave in. Introducing the beast’s kryptonite (known to some as detergent), we finally slayed the freakin’ thing. It was a terrifying experience. We had to use swords and everything.
IT WAS A VICIOUS EXPERIENCE I PROMISE YOU!
Anyway, the point is the world (aka this apartment) is safe from Laundro once again. Maybe we’ll learn from our wicked ways… Maybe we won’t. Perhaps this is just a cycle to live through, for where would we be without Laundro?