Apples to Apples


When you love a person, you like to think you know them inside and out. You may know what they love to eat – what they absolutely refuse to eat. Perhaps what makes them laugh uncontrollably and what makes them cry. Seeing as The Man and I began dating after being friends for a few years, we learned these things quickly – priding ourselves at being awesome at knowing each other. You couldn’t even begin to hope to touch our awesome love.

That is until we played Apples to Apples with the family – a guaranteed ball of happiness for the two of us word-lovers.  Or so we thought…

If you have never played the game, the point is to match seemingly random cards with nouns on them with the central adjective card. There is a judge each round who gets to decide which card fits the best with the adjective. This is where you should know a few things.

1. The game is meant to induce hilarity and fun arguments. (i.e. why the Helen Keller card should always win – even if it is entirely inappropriate.)

2. There are two very different types of Apples to Apples gamers. There is the literal-minded camp, which hopes to align the world’s chaos with two cards meant to be together in their world of logic. And then there are those who wish to embrace the world’s chaos and choose the card that is the most inappropriate or illogical in the deck. Both are respectable people in the Apple-atic land, but you need to know who you are playing with in order to strategize the best. For if your card is chosen, you get another point towards the winning goal.

This is when I learned that The Man and I may have the same political thoughts, the same sense of humor, even the same brain waves as to supply a wonderful lash of witty banter… but we absolutely are not the same person when it comes to Apples to Apples. He is a firm leader in the logic camp, and I become gleeful over the chaotic choices.

We could not, for the life of us, get each other to pick our cards when judging. It became this odd kind of couple embarrassment. Did we really know one another well enough to get married if we couldn’t even pick the right red card to our counterpart’s green one?

In the end, we accepted our difference and took it on as a challenge. How could we play to the other’s sick and twisted Apple-mind? A new kind of game that created many funny conversations and additions to our relationship throughout dating and engagement.

That is, until Apples to Apples offered us a new road block just yesterday.

We set out to learn a modified version of the game for just two people, since we are still playing hermitude as our honeymoon and wish not to invite anyone over for something as frivolous as a board game. A serious google later, and I found a version that involved the two of us, a different number of cards, and the idea of making “the deck” a third player. We would combine The Deck’s two random cards with our chosen cards, and if the judge picked ours – we got the point. If they chose The Deck’s – well “he” got a point.

Dude, we lost so bad to The Deck! He’s one seriously conniving and awesome Appler.

Our realization of our immense suckitude when it came to this game then coupled with the chilling, existential crisis that arises from losing to the pure chaos of a random card draw.

Blegh… too much thought. I guess I’ll just be excited that there’s another opponent we can blame for our scores now!

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