Buyer’s Remorse


During The Dudette Week, The Best Friend and I traveled to the Uber Amazing Mall in the area in pursuit of miraculous make up. I entered the store in hopes to both better my appearance and obtain the proper contraptions for The Big Day.

The Best Friend and I have a weakness. We really really really enjoy cosmetics. In fact, I’m pretty sure this trip to the store stemmed from a lengthy conversation as to durability of eye shadow in almost every situation imaginable. In the end, incorporated a miracle solution she had found years prior, we decided that it could possibly withstand desert conditions or icy demise… but the crying. Will humanity ever figure out how to have make up actually stick around when the women species becomes sad or happy or excited or mad or dramatically interested? (We cry a lot.) The answer is probably no.

So anyway we went into the store hoping for miracles for the aquatic experience that will be the reading of the vows, and we met our new friend who would do a trial for us to pick out products and colors. Let me tell you…. she could work magic.

The Magician began with a discussion of colors, an altogether daunting experience when chatting with a Bride and her Maid of Honor. This hue is correct, not this one. This includes a tint of red, but we’re looking for blue. No, let’s match the men’s ties and not the shoes. Oh, but the flowers! Yeah. It was a bit ridiculous, but she kept up with us like a champion of womanly concerns. She came back to the table with several shades and began to explain each piece one by one.

I have never learned so much about my eye shape, the complimentary colors, and all that went into a “natural look.” I absolutely love doing my make up, and I am known for dramatic colors – so in my head The Magician was indeed my cosmetic angel coming into my life to smile upon my impending nuptials. For if my eyes popped appropriately and my lips were an understated plump… we would certainly defeat all obstacles as married partners. At least he can’t argue with me if I’m pretty, right?

After I looked like a goddess and decided which pieces, colors, and contraptions to purchase I went to the check out counter preparing for the damage. I am not one to spend money. I hardly ever do it, and when it happens I fall victim to an ancient curse. It befalls few women in the end, but if you are prone to it – it becomes a nasty spiral of self-doubt, hate, and pathetic wimpering.

Buyer’s Remorse.

Purchasing anything for my pleasure or appearance usually yields this response. I once bought two purses (which were something like 80% off) and I debated returning them for approximately a week before a friend told me to snap out of it. I could only imagine what this large, one time purchase of cosmetics would yield. It’s a well known fact that a single color, a single brush when it comes to a woman’s face is expensive. Compile all the expensives into one purchase.

When the number scrolled across the screen my heart plummeted into the depths of my soul and screamed out in distress. My brain attempted to console my heart, acknowledging that I would need to buy each piece of the purchase in the end. Buying them all in one swoop was perhaps panic inducing, but I would survive.

I walked out in a stupor, clinging to sanity with the last bit of me I could control. The Best Friend attempted to distract me with stores focused on decorating, kitchen utensils, and even a jewelry store. It helped a little.

Slowly but surely, though, I fell into the all-too-familiar process. It wasn’t pretty.

I truly believed someone should have been angry with me for purchasing such an extravagant gift for myself… needed or otherwise. I struggled with it for a few days, until yesterday when I decided to attempt the make over myself in practice for an angelic state down the aisle.

Believe me when I tell you I am approximately 10.2x hotter with this make up than with the old stuff.

Buyer’s Remorse is no longer a problem… Pride however… Well we’ll deal with that when we need to.

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2 Comments

Filed under The Life

2 responses to “Buyer’s Remorse

  1. You totally just inspired me to have buyer’s remorse. I’ve been putting off going makeup shopping for the wedding because, well, I’m hesitant To Go There. I might break out the Macy’s charge and buy fancy department store makeup…

    It’s not really buyer’s remorse if technically I don’t have to pay it off until next month, riiiiiight? 😉

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