Monthly Archives: May 2011

Who You Honkin’ At?

So The Man was sweet and surprised me with a trip to the great north – or Portland, ME.

These are the things you should know about Portland:

1. It’s awesome.

2. It is home to this heavenly hipster joint named Duck Fat – Poutine from God’s table I tell you.


Anyway – it was quite the enjoyable trip, but a few things (of course) won awesome awards of “I’m such a priceless and hilarious moment. You should tell everyone.”

First, you must be aware of the situation The Man and I have been living in so far – living with family in a tiny, not-so-drafty-really-hot attic. We have also been exiled to a futon that is perhaps the hardest, most uncomfortable bed-like contraption we have ever come into contact with (and I even lived in a tent for a month!)

So walking into the hotel room went something like this:

Yes, we were very happy. So happy we celebrated by bingeing on salt water taffy, really weird pretzels, and wine while yelling at MythBusters. (Yeah we’re classy)

Then after an evening of REAL no-family-around-awesome-king-sized-bed rest we decided to drive down to the port and experience the happiness of the ocean. Though INCREDIBLY dense fog had settled to the point that we had to imagine an ocean, it was quite fun. We also wanted to stop to see some canons in a tiny park – I mean who would NOT want to see canons. Let’s be real here. We pull off to see the canons, and a man begins walking to the car. My first thought was… oh he looks so dapper. What a nice sui…. HOLY CRAP!

Yes. He was quite obviously an affiliate of a particular religious group known for knocking on doors and badgering people with his very specific number of God’s chosen and his threats of hellfire if you don’t convert. At this point all chaos broke loose in the car.

We sped away. But don’t worry. We came back after the scary man was gone – it ended up being a historical plaque about the only fort that never engaged in hostile fire. Cool, eh?

Finally, as we began to head out of the great northern city we were stopped at a stoplight. It turned green, but the car in front of us did not budge. A few seconds went by, and it was still not moving. Then The Man – who is normal stoic in driving situations went through a transformation only comparable to The Hulk.

Slightly shocked from the drastic transformation next to me is such close quarters, I looked forward to the car and began to chuckle. I noticed some movement in the car and recognized it immediately as ASL (wooo for signed languages). I turned and asked why he was honking. One incredulous Hulk-like look later, I explained that the driver/car in front of us couldn’t hear the honking for they are deaf. The Man’s face changed… and we both got a HUGE laugh out of the whole situation.

And that sums up our trip to Portland: BIG BED, running away from a Jehovah’s Witness, and honking at deaf people. Yep. We’re those people.



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The Holy Grail: Taco Bell

I believe it is very important to appreciate the ridiculous journey I have taken part in for months. Love, you ask? Yes. I have a very very intense love that can only be satiated by…Taco Bell’s Fruitista Freezes. I know what you are thinking. “Taylor, you have a man. What makes you this daft?” And I say… NOTHING and I mean NOTHING beats the amazing power of those tiny icy circles of mango and strawberry happiness.

They are better than…………chocolate, flowers, sunshine, doughnuts, and that look on a puppy’s face when you finally reveal that YES you are going for a walk!

Anyway when I have a craving these are what I crave. Sometimes I have a hankering in my very SOUL for a Fruitista Freeze.

Now I must tell you my other love of my life – The Man – lives in a part of the United States that isn’t used to housing very many people. I mean… I increased this town’s population by .0006%. One person should not be able to add that much! So by this town and area being confused by becoming that much larger, it is understandable (only if you cock your head and squint really hard) that they would not have something as mundane and necessary as a Taco Bell.

That’s right. There is NO Taco Bell in the immediate area. Feel free to be shocked and standing silently in horror for approximately 1 minute.

This stunning realization that I may not experience a Fruitista Freeze in months and months and months led to some intense research. You know – Google.

Within this county… all 47 miles of this county… there is but ONE Taco Bell. It was rumored to have a tiny plot of land in the not-so-tiny-but-still-small town about 45 minutes away. It was official. I had found the Holy Grail: the only Taco Bell.

I began to dream of the Taco Bell and speak of it lovingly to The Man. He could see the passion that welled within at the mention of the Taco Bell and the icy, fruity that it offered. It became our quest – our couple’s quest – to locate this Taco Bell.

And then we began to drive around aimlessly…

Around and around and around.

We could not find the Holy Grail! Like so many trailblazers before us – it was just out of our reach. We knew, oh yes to the power of Google, we knew it was there. Alas… I would go home each time without having tasted the mango of heaven’s lips yet again.

Finally there was a day that felt different. The Man turned to me and said “GET UP we are going for a drive.” We do this on the regular you know. We greatly enjoy random road trips to nowhere, somewhere, and everywhere in between. Today – it happened to be in pursuit of our quest’s fair maiden: Taco Bell’s offering of a Fruitista Freeze…..and tacos.

After yet another hour of aimless driving I gave up. I could see no hope and demanded we turn around and go home. I turned at the next opportunity so that I could do so, and…THERE IT WAS. I began to tear up in elation. We had found it… albeit on complete accident. BUT IT WAS THERE.

We skipped into the place with declarations of happiness and fortitude – and as I finished the last sip of the Fruitista I realized:

Those were the best freakin’ chalupas I have ever had!

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So this is real life…

So let’s go over how RIDICULOUSLY my life has changed in the past 15 days:

Finished finals and ended my third year at the university.

Then I went to a quadrillion hours of trainings…

I then promptly moved up to Massachusetts to be with the “THE MAN” and we promptly became engaged people. You know… the kind that get married.

In the midst of this new wedding planning, I interviewed for an awesome job. And I got it.

And now here I am… leaving with said fiancĂ©, therefore getting married, making awesome money at an awesome summer job, and paying things like RENT and GROCERIES. The end result = HOLY SHIT I AM AN ADULT.

Here’s to hoping the man and I get this right.

The point of this blog is to share all of my adventures in adulthood from here on out. Hope you enjoy it.

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